The painful feeling :"(

If we look contemplatively at life, we will see that pain is inevitable and inescapable. It is, with its all various and different shapes – pain of deprivation, failure,  going astray, oppression, disability or illness — an essential component of life. There is no life without pain. It is simply the ordinance of life. So whoever imagines or plans for his life without including experiencing pain in his account will be greatly deceiving himself.

Since we accept that we can never experience real life without gulping the cup of pain and trials, we should at least try to understand that inevitable partner of life. I myself always see pain as great power and violent energy. I think it is the only power that has the ability to make radical and deep change in our hearts, our souls and our minds as well. I always like to resemble it to fire that is aimed to reconfigure our minds, purify our hearts and refine our souls.

There is no doubt that we change after experiencing pain and that change is sometimes deep and radical. I think the main reason for this serious and radical change is the violent and sudden ruin of our high and magnificent palaces – the palaces of our great expectations and hopes in life. We spend a lot of time building such imaginative palaces and we never think of pain as an inescapable destiny that may be a real threat to such magnificent palaces. That is why we always get horribly shocked when pain comes suddenly to frustrate all our magnificent plans. We feel horribly shocked when we taste that bitter savor of loss. It is not only the loss of our great expectations, but also loss of that false belief that we have control over our own destiny- the false sense of being secure. Pain comes to tell us how powerless, helpless and ignorant we are. It smashes our arrogance and puts our hand on our innate weakness. It  unveils our vulnerability that we always refuse to admit. As a result we dive in deep grief.

 I think it is that deep grief that is considered the great power and violent energy that drives that radical change in our hearts, our souls and our minds as well. It smelts the coat of hardness and severity that wraps the heart to leave it as transparent and soft as the heart of an innocent child. The power of pain melts the heart and causes it to be so sensitive that it can easily recognize the pain of others and sympathize with them. It also refines the soul. It erases that vicious heap of arrogance, self-conceit, greed and being deceived by whims. That deep grief is the great power, or we can say the fire that melts our hearts and purifies our souls. It is the power that smashes our arrogance and brings us back to our innate goodness.

Sometimes the impact of pain goes beyond purification of hearts and refining of souls. For some people pain can be the great power and violent energy that generates creativity and breeds ingenuity. In such cases pain represents the challenge those people need to change their big loss to magnificent success. It is their incentive that releases all their latent gifts and hidden abilities. The great and violent power of pain reconfigures their minds and sleeks their insight so that they can see the wisdom of life.

Anyway during the Athletics' event just now, out of nowhere i suddenly fell down on the track while running 100m hurdles. Maybe it's Allah qadr that i am falling today. At the moment i fell down, i tried to run again, but i just can't due to my sprained, twisted right ankle.So, i just walk after that and pass through one more last hurdle. This might be my fate that has been written by Allah The Almighty.This might due to my 'kekhilafan' or any bad deeds that i accidentally did previously. Then, i was relieved as right after finishing the race, Nabila, Grace, Azrul, Sharan, Nawal, Hazel, Ika, Haziq as well as Anisah came to me, trying to boost up my confidence. I might not win now, Insya-Allah i'll make sure that i'm gonna get the gold medal next time. Then, i headed straight to medical centre by the van together with the van  provided. She put the hot/cold pack on my swollen ankle, then   i just can't stop crying. No idea why. Most probably because i already made the whole Alia members dissapointed by not getting anything on the events which i participated. Not only that, i was just thinking of how nice Nabila and friends taking care of me by supporting me when i'm walking. The thing that i maybe could not accept maybe because the another friend that also in the same event as me, at the final line, she didn't care about me. She was just standing there looking at me with that sympathetic look, BAJET COOL. Sorry, if you're cool, then i should be HOTTER. HAHA. Anyways, tomorrow i might not be going to class because i don't think i can walk properly to go to class itself. Sooryyy Ms Kala, maybe next time. Okay, anyway i'm goin this Saturday together with my sis, her future husband and also Anisah, the problem arises when i haven't started with my packings yet. It's okay, wait until my swollen ankle gets better. Ok, maybe i should stop now, considering the fact that it's already Maghrib time.Salam sayang (=